Hope for this Hopeless Heart
by blowmiakisscolin
Summary: "Swan, this journal…the man who wrote it…I would rather you didn't become quite so intimately versed with the darkness I am capable of." When Emma finds a journal Killian kept during his darkest days, somehow words she didn't know how to say don't seem so hard anymore.


_I honestly don't know where this came from. But it's dedicated to my two platonic soulmates, Lanni and Irene, just because._  
_Spoiler-ish for 4x15 but I think we've all watched that glorious, majestical scene a million times over now. So probably not really a spoiler lol._  
_Anyhow, this is fluff with a dash of angst, set post 4x15 but before any of the Snowing vs Emma drama begins. No warnings for this one. Enjoy._

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**_Hope for this Hopeless Heart_**

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It felt surreal to be standing in the Captain's quarters of the Jolly Roger again, watching Killian move around as though they'd never been separated. It felt surreal and familiar, both at the same time.

Emma noticed the way his fingers brushed against the wooden planks and treasures he'd collected through the centuries, lingering on the pieces of his home he never thought he'd see again.

She recognized that reverent touch, because that's the way he touched her. A gentle touch of her cheek, thumb grazing over her cheekbone; a ghost of his fingers trailing down her spine when he kissed her, causing a shiver to chase them despite the material of her shirt dulling the sensation of his touch.

She knew that touch by heart. It whispered of _home_. Something he'd found in her after he'd given up the only other home he'd ever had to bring her back to hers.

Smiling as she watched him moving his trinkets around, muttering to himself about 'bloody Blackbeard' and cursing his things not being in their 'proper places', Emma wandered toward the line of books stood neatly beneath the windows next to his bunk.

Absently, she brushed away the dust and slipped a particularly worn-looking leather-bound tome from the shelf. Cracking it open, she recognized Killian's handwriting immediately and brushed her fingers over the loopy curls of cursive with a smile turning the corners of her lips.

Before she could read the words he'd written, however, she felt Killian's presence beside her and he snatched the book from her hands. She frowned, confused, and he shuffled his feet, the telltale touch of his hook behind his ear telling her he was uncomfortable.

"Swan…this journal…the man who wrote it…I would rather you didn't become quite so intimately versed with the darkness I am capable of."

He turned away from her then, tossing the journal onto his desk quickly as though his former self could seep from the pages and poison him again if he held onto it for too long.

"Killian. Stop," she grabbed his arm, forcing him to turn back toward her, "Please stop defining who you are by who you _were_. Because the thing is, the man you see when you look back...I don't think he was ever as bad as you've convinced yourself he was. You were selfish, maybe, and arrogant, sure. You made some bad decisions, and we are _all_ guilty of that. But that monster you feel lurking in your shadows...I don't believe he was ever _really_ a monster. He was just a man who'd had his heart broken and everything he cared about taken away from him."

Killian grimaced slightly, his lips pressing together into a thin line as though holding back his disagreement. She sighed and let her hand trail from where she'd grabbed his arm, just above his brace, down to his hook. Gently running her fingers along the cool metal, she held his gaze, not afraid to let him read what he could see in her eyes.

She smiled somewhat sadly at him, fingers still playing over his hook as she reached out with her other hand to take his, entwining their fingers. He was watching her silently, a twinkle of awe in his eyes and his features soft with adoration.

He always looked at her like that and it never failed to make her breath catch in her throat. He looked at her like she was precious. Like she was his sun, his moon and every star in between. Like she was his happy ending.

'_Don't you know, Emma? It's you.'_

His gentle words, a confession uttered so softly but surely, still ricocheted around her heart and she took a small step toward him, her fingers still entwined with his.

"I just wish you could believe in yourself the way I believe in you, and see the man I see. The man I trust with my life, my heart and my soul. The man who's my best friend, my happy ending and everything in between. I really wish you could see that, because God, Killian, you really don't know how beautiful it feels to be loved by you."

His eyes widened ever so slightly but held her unwavering gaze. They'd confessed many things to one another, _trust_ and seeing the best in each other and _happy endings_. But the three small words they both felt had yet to be spoken aloud. Emma's eyes were shining as she smiled up at him.

"You won my heart just as you said you would. You've followed through on every promise you've made to me and now I'm standing here promising you that I will do whatever it takes to show you what you mean to me. And maybe once you see that, you'll start to see the man I fell in love with and realize it's been you all along."

Killian knew he was probably gaping at her, but he couldn't hear any of his coherent thoughts over the sound of the blood rushing in his ears. Emma Swan; Lost Girl, Savior, the embodiment of True Love…was in love with him. And to hear her speak those words out loud made his heart lighter than it had been in all of his three hundred years.

And for once, Killian Jones was at a loss for words. As he swallowed the lump of emotion in his throat, he pulled her closer, pausing to gaze into those green eyes, the eyes that had haunted his dreams since they'd glared down at him while she held a knife to his throat, before he captured her lips in a tender kiss.

She melted into him and his arms slipped around her waist as he broke their kiss and leaned his forehead against hers. With his eyes still closed, he steadied himself against the emotions raging in his heart.

"I just want to be a better man for you, Swan. I want to be the kind of man you deserve."

Even with his eyes closed he could feel her smile.

"Killian…you already are."

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_Fin._


End file.
